Monday, 25 December 2017

3 Ways to Worry Less for Anxious Parents


It's normal to worry about your children. I worry about my children's future too. When my children were little and they were sleeping and I see how innocent they are, it made me sad to think about their future and the trials they'll have to go through. These were moments when I've asked Allah to guide them and keep them safe, give them patience and grant them jannah and grant us jannah so that we'd be reunited forever. There is this worry and all we can do is to make dua and put our hope and trust in Allah.

Then there's the other type of non-stop worry over anything and every thing on a daily basis like: is my child developing normally, is he suppose to talk yet, why hasn't she learnt the alphabet yet, why can't he hit the ball, why is she so slow, he doesn't have any friends, she's not popular and so on.

If you're tired of being a worry-wart then below are 3 ways to help you be less of a worrier over your child.

1. Trust in Allah
Trust that whatever happens is the Will of Allah and that it's the best outcome for your child even though you may not see it. Allah's plan is in your child's best interests. If he doesn't make it into the best school then there's a reason for that. Maybe he'll have bad friends if he goes there or maybe the teachers aren't that great.

Put your intention that whatever you do or decisions you make for your child is for his best interests  in this life and the Hereafter (and not your own popularity contest or for showing off). Then have the trust in Allah that whatever happens will turn out for the good of your child.

2. Trust that your child will learn and grow
Your child will grow and learn according to his developmental stage. You cannot push it to speed it up. All you can do is nurture it and if you're already doing that then he should flourish no matter how slow it may seem to you. As long as you're providing appropriate support then there's no need to worry. 

Too much worry over your child's abilities can put pressure on him. When your child is not ready to learn something and you push too hard for him to learn it, not only will you be frustrated but so will your child. This can then turn into anger and even dislike for learning it. So stop. Relax. And be easy on your child.

I can talk on about this, as year after year there's always a parent who pushes their child beyond what he or she's capable of doing. Yes, I can see that they want the best for their child but they don't see that the best thing is actually to let their child develop at their own pace. 

3. Instill righteousness and trust your child's inherent goodness.
Parents also worry a lot over their child's choices - whether their child is making the correct choice of being a righteous person and an upright citizen. We all want our children to be good because righteousness is what leads to jannah and everlasting happiness. 

How do you achieve this? The first is to make constant dua asking Allah for a righteous child then you teach your child about being righteous by modelling it, reading lots of books and telling stories of the prophets and their righteousness, practice doing good deeds with your child and be on the lookout for righteous behaviour in your child and others and drawing attention to them by giving positive or description feedback. 

These are some ways you can instill righteousness in your child. Once you've done this then put your trust in your child that he or she will make the right choices.

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Notice that the 3 ways to worry less are based on trust. You can't control every thing. As long as you do your part as a caring and nurturing parent then you can let go of control and put your trust in Allah and in your child.

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